Let’s Talk About Being a Mom at 20…

I have had a few questions sent to me about how I can be 36 and have a 16 year old - well simple math - I had Mc at 20. I figure since I am going to put myself out there, I would start at the beginning of my “adult” life. McKenzie is aware that I had her young, and the closer she gets to the age I found out I was going to be a mom, the more “real” I feel like it hits her, and after making sure she was ok with me sharing my story because from age 19 on my story includes her, so here I go. 

Let me set the scene for you….I was 19, days away from turning 20, I had just finished my sophomore year in college, and had signed a lease with one of my friends in a 2-bedroom apartment - I had visions of what life looked like, and being a mom was not in that vision. I remember when my college girlfriends would daydream over baby names, oh & ah over baby clothes, I would roll my eyes or just giggle and say - not for me. Well you know what they say….make plans and God will laugh…..

To also give you some context and who knows maybe a good story to share during conversations with your own kiddos when it comes to sex, I was new to this whole thing. I had only done the deed a few times, I was what some kids call a late bloomer. Anyhow there I was thinking that I was going to have this rad summer - even had hopes of trying out for the radio city rockettes - oh vey. I started getting sick for no reason at all, and gaining weight….remember when I said I had just finished dancing after 2 years of nonstop dancing…well, I thought it was just my body reacting to not working out 4ish hours a day. Didn’t think anything of it….then come June honestly not sure what came over me but had a thought hmm maybe I am pregnant, that would be so crazy since I have not been sexually active for long at all, and not much at all..hmmm. Well, I went to the local drugstore and picked up a pregnancy test, and as I stood in line behind an actual priest (he had the whole black outfit with white collar thing on) I began to wonder what the actual hell I was going to do if it was positive. 

You guessed it - I barely had to start peeing on that stick before it yelled at me that I was in fact pregnant. I sat there and cried, cried some more, and called my best friend and cried. She came over we both cried. What was I going to do? 

So many questions just flooding my brain. I went to a clinic that night to “make sure” because I was 19 and had no idea…I told them the reason I was there was because of stomach pains. It was an unpleasant experience all around, the dr was rude, demeaning, and just made me feel like an absolute garbage bag of a human. I did manage to find out that I was about 6 months along. How you might ask, well I don’t get monthly periods - never have. I believe I had a dr tell me when I was younger that she didn’t think I would be able to have babies because of this. 19 and 6 months pregnant. Shit 

I will never forget calling my mom and dad the next day and asking to meet them for lunch - I was in Tyler - they lived in Forney - wasn’t far but my dad immediately asked “are you pregnant? I don’t remember what I said, other than just straight sobbing. 

I drove back to my folks house and talked, cried, talked, cried, and basically said “i don’t know” for I swear a week. Over the next 3 months, I moved back home and began trying to figure out this whole mom thing. It just so happened that my cousin was pregnant as well and our due dates lined up about 2 weeks apart - talk about God knowing things and putting things in place - I had a normal-ish remaining pregnancy - even had baby showers - which looking back is just incredible for my friends and family to stand beside me and help me along, you hear such horror stories when it comes to teen pregnancy and that was not the case with me. I am incredibly grateful that I had such a tribe back then and even still I have a tribe that stands by me and my girls.